donderdag 30 juni 2016

Sven Signe den Hartogh x Kolifleur x Nadia Esra

about a week ago Kolifleur and I met up to shoot her summer 2016 collection
she introduced me to our photographer of the shoot; Sven Signe den Hartogh
I was really nervous for this shoot, because i always get kinda awkward when someone i've never met takes my photo's. 
But it turned out fantastic; 
the surroundings were so beautiful, and breathing in the fresh air, 
hearing the birds sing in the trees really made me happy.
we had a picknick in the woods, a swim in a lake, and really great conversations.
all in all, it was a wonderful experience and my favourite shoot so far (:
i'll be posting more soon!

vrijdag 13 mei 2016


i have been really busy making my little yard a little paradise
and i think i succeeded!
i will post some pictures of the results any soon!
for now, it's just mostly me in my yard hah
i'll also post it on

pictures are taken by Maaike de Jager

tonight i am going to the grand opening of Het Glas in Lood!
i don't think i've mentioned it anywhere yet, but i am going to be working there!
it's a brand new Cafe in the centrum of the city, completely renovated and absolutely awesome
and i am so proud to be part of it!
i will make a post about it in time, because it's just a really awesome concept
and so different from the things we have here in Deventer.
more about that later(:

zondag 17 april 2016

these are a few of my favourite things?

some shots from my instagram 
but i am guessing everyone who still reads my blog is actually following me on instagram
soooo you probably have seen all these already hah. 
but then, my blog is mostly for all my thoughts and things.

this weekend i went to the local market with the old man i met at the park
(you remember him?) 
he bought me flowers, hah he is so sweet. i love how he still wants things in life.
how he's not done with life yet. i've seen so many older people who are.
so after buying some fruits and plants for my garden, we went to my home for a cup of coffee.
(i don't drink it, but alright you get the gesture)
later that evening i wanted to drink something at my favourite bar nearby
and i suddenly thought; would you guys be interested in a post about my favourite places? (:
i'm getting more and more interested in photographing my surroundings, even though i find it a lot harder to make everything look as beautiful in the shot as it does in reality.
but anyway, i was curious; let me know your thoughts!
any ideas are welcome

vrijdag 1 april 2016

Kolifleur S16 IIII

 my fourth look for Kolifleur!
wearing a Bellerose blouse, Bruuns Bazaar blue skirt over a Ganni striped skirt.
and i am crazy in love with the colors from the wall hah.

so recently my mama and i cleaned my entire yard (yes i have a tiny cute backyard!)
it was entirely overgrown with wild strawberries, old underpants (not mine, i assure you. i am guessing previous owner!) glass, poop from ronja and so on.
one nasty business hah.
but after cleaning it all i was so content, imagening all the plants and flowers i am going to grow there
and how melle will be able to play outside if the weather's fine!

unfortunately i didn't think of creating a 'before' picture until 'after', but this is what it looks like now;
i didn't even know my yard had paving stones, now look at them!
i will take pictures of it's progress (:

zondag 27 maart 2016

Kolifleur S16

 so recently me and Eva from Kolifleur shot some looks for the spring collection 2016!
and i have to say i fell a little bit in love with this dress from forte_forte.
if you are interested in any of the items (i'll be posting the rest of the outfits in the coming days! 
i even started posting on again)
go to or her instagram (:
now i am going to take a long walk with ronja along the Ijssel
and clear my head while listening to beautiful music

vrijdag 11 maart 2016

te laat

ik sta op
ben veels te laat
ik blijf liggen
uren weggestaard
ik sta op
nogsteeds te laat
loop mijn voeten achterna
gebukt onder gedachten
de stilte schreeuwt overdag
net als in de nachten 


not really going to translate that
because it would probably make even less sense in english.

donderdag 10 maart 2016

niet vandaag

ik wil heus wel verliefdig zijn
en lopen en leven
ik wil heus wel gedachteloos zijn
en altijd alles geven
 maar niet vandaag

ik wil heus wel dat meisje zijn
dat dansend je sigaret afpakt
een hijsje neemt en grijnst 
wegdanst, alles tot in de puntjes verfijnd.
maar niet vandaag

en misschien morgen ook wel niet.
i do want to be in love
and walk and live
i do want to be thoughtless
and give everything at any time
but not today.

i do want to be that girl
that dances by, snitching your sigaret
that grins and dances off
everything refined to perfection.
but not today.

and maybe not tomorrow either.


dinsdag 1 maart 2016


soms heb ik van die dagen
dat ik alleen een hoofd heb.
dan spreek ik vreemde woorden
die samen geen zin uitdragen.
dan heb ik weinig zin in iets anders dan mijn gedachten
en mopper ik op vreemdelingen
die voor mijn voeten lopen.
dan sluimer ik 
tussen dicht en tussen open.
i don't have a head.
i speak strange words
that don't become a sentence.
 i dont want anything or anyone except my thoughts around.
i mutter at strangers 
that happen to be around.
i slumber
between open and close

woensdag 24 februari 2016

the loneliest whale in the world

in het stadje waar ik woon
kent iedereen elkaar
en we hebben een aantal 'dorpsgekken'
al klinkt dat veels te negatief en zou het eigenlijk 'vreemdelingen' moeten zijn.
omdat we ze niet kennen.
als ik 's ochtends rond een uur of zes een wandeling maak
zie je ze meestal allemaal verzameld op het stadsplein
ze drinken hun late-nacht of vroege-ochtend bier
en sjofelen de straat over.
ze vallen niemand lastig, enkel af en toe henzelf.
de sneeuwman, de vieze oude man
de dronkenlap, de bedelman,
 gabbertje en de vreemde oma
en de oehoe-man.

ik heb gehoord dat de oehoe-man eigenlijk de joehoe-man is.
omdat hij probeert te communiceren met iemand.
hij schreeuwt vanuit zijn tenen, zijn vuisten gebald
met zijn hele lichaam;
je hoort het door de hele stad, het geluid is oorverdovend van dichtbij.
 iedereen in ons stadje kent de joehoe-man. 
al weet bijna niemand
naar wie hij altijd joehoe schreeuwt.
maar mij doet hij altijd denken
aan de eenzaamste walvis van de zee.
de walvis die op de verkeerde, een veel te hoge, frequentie
naar alle andere walvissen huilt.
maar omdat het veels te hoog is, zwemt ze al bijna haar hele leven 
alleenig in de zee. 

al joehoe't menig mens terug,
 het lijkt niet het antwoord wat hij zoekt.
en als ik dan 's avonds in mijn bed lig, en een luide joehoe door de straten galmt
vraag ik me steeds weer af
of hij ooit een antwoord krijgt.
of dat hij uberhaupt een vraag stelt?


in the small city where i live
pretty much everyone knows everyone.
and we have a few well known 'village idiots'
which sounds way too negative. strangers would be better. because we don't know them, or their story.
sometimes when i take a morning walk around six o'clock
i find almost all of them gathered at town square
drinking their late-night or early-morning beer,
shuffeling around the streets
they don't bother anyone, except occasionally themselves.
the Snowman, the Dirty man.
the Drunk, the Beggar
Gabbertje and the Strange old lady.
and Oohoo-man.

i've heard the Oohoo-man is actually the Joehoe-man
because he would be trying to communicate with someone
he yells from his toes, his fists clenched
with all of his body;
you hear it all over the town, the noise deafening up close.
and even though pretty much everyone knows him
nobody seems to know to whom or why he is yelling 'joehoe'.
but he always reminds me of 'the loneliest whale in the world'
the whale that had been alone for most of its life
just because she is crying in the wrong, way too high frequency.
so no other whale can hear here
and she stays alone in the big sea.

even though many people yell back at him
 it doesn't seem like he's getting the answer he's looking for.
and when i am laying in my bed and hear a loud 'joehoe' echoing through the streets
i can't help but wonder
if he'll ever get the answer
or if he's even asking a question?

donderdag 11 februari 2016

the life of death

walking along the Ijssel is such a treat everyday
even though it's pretty much flooded now since all the rain
and i suddenly stood in the water untill my ankles.
discovered my shoes weren't waterproof.
but my day isn't that easily ruined.
im writing little poems about the moment first time i realised my parents had actual names 
other than mama and papa.

do you remember very long ago i shared a shortfilm my sister made
about The Life of Death?
and how i couldn't show it because it was still running in a festival-thingy?
well it is finally online!
took a few years, but better later than never!
and i'm proud that my sister was able to make such a touching handdrawn story.

you can watch it 

dinsdag 2 februari 2016

what a week

these are some of the pictures laila and i shot together!

it's been crazy weather, a few weeks ago ronja and i lost two balls because of the snow and ice
and now suddenly it's warm enough to walk around with-without-coat.
and we still lost another ball. so that's not really connected in any way with the weather.
ronja and i have been playing tom and jerry with a few mouses in our house
even though they are incredibly annoying and noisy for such tiny creatures,
they are just. so. cute.
and annoying.
a week ago one of them was drinking water out of ronja's water bowl
while it stared at me.
 i have to buy some animal-friendly not-killing traps.
on friday i visitied hans and went to watch her photography exposition
(favorite photo *click*
and then got a phone call from the old man i am helping to clean his house (remember?)
he was going to have the results of a biopt, and it turned out to be bad news.
so on saturday ronja and i went to the market, bought a boquete of flowers and went to visit him
where he ofcourse welcomed ronja and me with open arms. 
oh and earlier there was a swan walking in the rushing traffic and i hobbled over, stopping cars
and driving the swan to the side of the road towards to water.
i think it must have looked pretty funny,
it's a little strange not having the therapy, but i'm replacing it with good things.
now i am writing this wrapped up in a blanket while on the background How i met your mother is playing.
wobbe is snoring next to me on the couch, i just gave melle a belly-masage because she is bloated and that's how we do and ronja is sleeping.
i'm gooood!

maandag 4 januari 2016

beter iets dan niets

 these are the pictures from last ''third christmas'' i spend
 with the lovely people i have met here over the past two years.
 i had been looking forward to this day
since my months of therapy had started i haven't been able to see them all 
as much as i would have liked.
and it was even more lovely than i imagined (:
later that week Melle and i traveled to Ameland, one of the dutch islands
where my parents, sisters and ronja had already arrived a few days ago,
to spend the last days of the holidays and new years' eve with them.
and it was a great decision, just haning out in my pyamas, making puzzles
(i'm really way too unpatient for puzzles! whenever i can't find a piece, i just assume it's 'lost')
and playing card games with my family.
long walks on the beach, watching the majestic sea, watching Ronja and Wobbe play on the beach, breathing the air that's so fresh it almost hurts my lungs.
i'm left with an incredibly grateful feeling.
especially since a few days earlier i went to do groceries,
 and saw a boy about my age sitting in front of the supermarket.
he had a carton box in front of him with only a few coins in it, looking terribly unhappy.
after a few moments of doubt, i walked towards him and tried to ask him if he perhaps was a syrian refugee.
he didn't speak dutch, or english. but the words 'syrian refugee' he recognized and he nodded, kind of in an embarresed way. 
it wouldn't have felt right to just toss him some coins, so i pointed at him, then myself, and then the supermarket, asking him if he wanted to come with me so i could buy him some groceries.
he started smiling, stood up and we went inside. 
i felt ashamed, as i opened my arms wide to all of the food and products in the store
trying to make clear he could pick anything.
awkwardly we walked through the store, talking in gestures,
 he slowly getting more comfortable, taking what he needed,
i slowly more and more embarresed by the difference between us, that just because he lived in a land of war, and i in this peaceful place i was walking him through the store 
and not the other way around.
he murmured some things in his language,
 bowing his head down while holding his hands as if in prayer.
i bought him cigarettes and we shook hands,
 looking at eachother trying to comminucate a 'thanks' and 'you're welcome'
and as he walked back to his spot in front of the supermarket, i walked back home
feeling confused by what just happened. not sure if i did any good by trying to help him,
as it could never be enough.
and at the same time feeling of intense gratefulness for the things that i have in life;
 i am rich in so many ways.
in the end i decided it was better to do something than nothing.